A Little Piece of My Heart

Today we are celebrating our family!

Two years ago today our son Grant entered our life!

We are so incredibly grateful for him.

This boy has stolen my heart

and I want to give you all a little piece of my heart today

and share with you the story of how we all became a family... 

In 2005 two hearts came together

I love my husband dearly

I'm blessed to have had him by my side through everything!

For 6 years we experienced all life had to offer....

We went on so many adventures together, just the two of us!

During this time we struggled to get pregnant...

in the midst of our heartache...

we had a beautiful little angel fall into our arms!

Our little Zoey became part of our family in 2009! 

On November 13, 2011 my life changed forever

My dad came over to my house and asked me if I wanted a "son"

After what I thought was a joke, I realized that my dad was being serious...

We had some distant family that was looking for someone to adopt their grandson...

We instantly knew it was something we wanted to do

We arranged to pick him up the day after Thanksgiving

We had people in our church who volunteered to throw us a very quick "toddler shower"

Everything you see in that picture below was giving to us by our church family

and their friends and neighbors

We were so blessed and felt so loved!

We had a little less than two weeks to prepare for a child

Let me remind you that... 

#1 We weren't in the process of adoption

#2 Adoption hadn't even occurred to be an option to us, yet...

#3 - We had never met Grant and hardly knew anything about him!

Let me tell you, it was the craziest two weeks of my life!

On November 25, 2011 we met Grant

The pictures below are when we first met the little guy... 

The next day he came home with us.

We had his room all made up

We wanted him to feel comfortable

and to see a room that was fun and inviting

I couldn't get enough of his precious face! 

"Mom, stop taking pictures!"

I'm thankful for my family

I'm thankful that I had infertility struggles

I'm thankful that God prepared my heart for Grant

I'm thankful for his sweet spirit in our home

It wasn't a cake walk after we got him. 

Grant has Sensory Processing Disorder

I'm still learning everyday how to help him

best get through life! 

But I'm thankful that we found each other

I'm so happy he has someone to fight for him

He is so fun! He is so bright! He is so sweet! 

Every thing I had to go through to get him was worth it. 

Our adoption didn't finalize until May 2013 but

two years ago today I became a mother to this sweet little boy

and he stole my whole heart forever!

Weigh In #3: November 25, 2013

Weigh In: 11/25/13

Starting Weight:  318.4 lbs

Ending Weight:   315.8 lbs

Weight Gone This Week: -2.6 lbs

Total Weight Lost:  -39.2 lbs

All or Nothing?

In the past I've struggled a lot with an all or nothing mentality. 

This way of thinking has been what has sabotaged my progress so many times. 

Last week I had a very stressful day. 

My sons bedtime was coming up and I didn't have anything prepared for dinner 

so I just went and picked up a pizza.
I was "good" and only got one large pizza...
ya know, instead of the family deal with all the fixins'...

See, pizza is a trigger food for me
I can't just eat one slice
I've had such bad binges with pizza that one time,
after bingeing on half a pizza,
I had a moment of strength and I threw an entire pizza away
only to find myself 3 hours later...
standing over the trash trying to justify
taking the pizza out of the trash and devouring it! 
So, Victory #1 = Only getting one pizza!

 So, When I got home I grabbed my usual 3 large slices and headed for the couch.
Ahhhhh... hello old friend!

Half way through eating my second slice I realized I was full.
The concept of stopping when I'm full is new to me... 

I realized I had a decision to make about who I am now...

Am I the same old Ashley that already made one bad choice,
so she might as well keep going and eat half the pizza?
OR
Am I the new Ashley that knows that one slip doesn't mean
I need to willingly jump off the ledge and go head first into binge mode!

So, Victory #2 I put my third slice back. 

My third and finally victory came after I put my son to bed. 

It was 8:03 PM and I had exactly 2,456 steps 

(just a tad shy of my 10,000 steps a day goal). 

I felt like just going to bed and making it up later....

 but I didn't! I had a dance party instead!

I turned my music up and got my feet moving.... 

At first it was the most pathetic dance party. I was NOT feeling it....

At 7,000 steps I wanted to quit so badly!!! I was "going to die"

But I didn't. I kept going until I got my 10,000 steps. 

Then I thought - I can keep going....

I decided that this was a perfect time to prove to myself
just how far I'd come...
I didn't think I'd make it to 10,000.... so I went to 12,000 instead!
Victory #3 - Showing myself how amazing I really am!

I'm learning that it doesn't have to be all or nothing! 

We don't need to punish ourselves with multiple bad choices 

because of one bad choice. 

We put so much pressure on ourselves
to be perfect!
Guess what? We're not going to be
perfect, not in this life at least.
We are going to mess up but...
it's NOT all or nothing...
It is the best we can do every moment...
you had a bad morning, well,  have a good afternoon
you ate doughnuts at work...? Doesn't mean you have to
let the whole day go!

I am perfectly imperfect, 

I will make bad choices, 

I will fall down, 

but I will get up and keep going!

Do you struggle with all or nothing mentality? 

Weigh In #2: November 18, 2013

Weigh In: 11/18/13

Starting Weight:  322.4 lbs

Ending Weight:   318.4 lbs

Weight Gone This Week: -4 lbs

Total Weight Lost:  -36.6 lbs

Where I'm Going Pt.2

The first step in fulfilling any goal or dream is knowing your WHY! Your WHY gives meaning and purpose to everything you do in your pursuit to achieve your goals. It's going to be amazing when I hit my goals, but if all I cared about were the numbers on the scale then what is the point? It is what hitting my goals MEANS for me. My WHY helps me to understand the importance of what I'm doing and gives me a purpose. 

There are a million WHY's that drive me: To walk up a flight of stairs and not be winded, to ride on an airplane and not have to use a seat belt extender, to go to a theme park and be able to ride all the rides, to walk into any store and know they have my size, to wear my wedding ring again after 7 years etc. 

BUT, I have a WHY that brings up emotions deep inside me that lights my fire and drives me and that is to grow my family. I have PCOS and have been unable to get pregnant due to me being overweight. I struggled with infertility for 6 years before we adopted Grant. Grant is my sunshine and my husband and I were so incredibly lucky to have him placed in our lives. The exact story will come at a later date but for now I will just say that we are so grateful for adoption and love him so much and I wouldn't change the way my life has played out for a second. I want to grow my family and nothing would make me happier then to experience pregnancy and child birth. Grant has been asking for a baby sister for almost a year now. Lately he has started demanding a baby brother as well :). I want to get my body healthy so that I can fulfill his dream to be a big brother. 

This is my WHY and it drives me everyday. I wake up with a purpose. I wake up knowing what I'm fighting for. Whatever you are fighting for in your life, wherever you are headed, know your WHY because it is POWERFUL.  

Weigh In #1: November 11, 2013

Weigh In: 11/11/13

Starting Weight: 329 lbs

Ending Weight: 322.4 lbs

Weight Gone This Week: -6.6 lbs

Total Weight Lost: -32.6 lbs

Where I'm Going Pt. 1

I've shared with you where I've been and now I want to share with you where I'm going...

Its November and most years this is the time where I say, "forget it!" and enjoy the holidays and wait until the beginning of the new year to start getting healthy.... but 2013 is different. I want to end this year with a bang! I have high goals for myself and I'm not going to let holidays get in the way of that goal!

My goal for January 1, 2014 is to weigh in at 299lbs! I want to say goodbye to the 300's forever this year. That puts me at exactly -30lbs to lose in less than 8 weeks! Can I do it? Yes I can! (I watch way too much Bob the Builder - Ha!)

Monday's are my weigh in day and I will be sharing my weigh in's with you! Good or bad!

I'm taking baby steps with my goals because I have so far to go. How do you eat an Elephant? One bite at a time. My ultimate goal is to lose -200 lbs but to think that far ahead overwhelms me. I'm just taking little bites at a time with what I can handle and I know eventually I will end up at 155lbs. It means so much to me to have people to share this journey with!

Now that you know where I'm going, I want to know where you are going. What are your goals for the end of the year? Share in the comments!

Come back on Monday November 11 for Weigh In #1 post and Wednesday November 13 for Where I'm Going Pt.2 to find out my WHY!

Where I Started

My highest weight ever was 355 lbs. I've tried so many "diets" and lost/gained. The cycle left me hating myself. I felt so broken and like I just wasn't worthy of happiness. I finally decided that I needed to stop looking for the "Get Fit Quick" plan and just start living a healthy lifestyle. I went on a journey of self discovery and realized how amazing I was. I decided I didn't have to wait until I was "perfect" to love myself. When I learned to love myself, imperfections and all, I felt worthy of fighting for. I've lost 26lbs thus far and look forward to sharing the rest of my journey with all of you! The most important thing you can do for yourself is to love yourself. When you love yourself you are powerful beyond measure!!

Ready.... Set.... Go!

Hey Everyone! :) Thanks so much for stopping by! First of all, I want to introduce myself. My name is Ashley. I'm 27 years old. I live in the beautiful state of Oregon. I've been married for 8 years to my wonderful husband, Royce. We have a five year old son named Grant who came into our life almost two years ago via adoption. We also have a five year old fur baby, our Chihuahua Zoey. 

I'm absolutely thrilled to begin this journey and so honored to be able to have Jacqui by my side. I've already learned so much from her and know that I will learn so much more. My journey will be physical, my body will have to work, but this journey will be more mind & spiritual than anything. I'm going to mess up. I'm not going to be perfect. But perfection is boring! So come follow me as I fall down and get back up. We can learn from each other and cheer each other on! Whatever battle you are fighting, whatever it is that you want to release from your life, lets do it together! Let's unapologetically celebrate who we are TODAY, flaws and all, and live life perfectly imperfect!

Come back this coming week when I will let you know my starting weight, see my before photos, let you know a little bit about my weight release journey thus far and what my goals are for the rest of 2013. :)