Weigh-In #8: May 23, 2014

This week was really great 
and really horrible all at the same time, 
but a good kind of horrible. 
I was on my elimination cleanse 
and my body really has never felt better 
which is evident in how much weight 
has been released from my body! 
But I was an emotional wreck 
without everything that comforts me. 
But I needed it because now 
I know how it feels to treat my body right 
and I want to keep that up!

Weigh In: 05/23/14

Starting Weight (5/9):  329.4 lbs

Ending Weight (5/16):   318.4 lbs

Weight Gone This Week: -11.0 lbs

(My highest weight was 355 in Jan 2013)

Total Weight Lost:  - 36.6 lbs

Weigh-In #7: May 16, 2014

This is my official weekly weigh-in blog post 
The last time I made one of these was on.....
....12/16/13... That was 5 months ago
Yikes!!!
I thought about starting over
but November/December
were a huge part of my overall journey
and even though I struggle with the shame
that came from gaining back the weight
I still don't want to pretend it never happened
because I learned so much that is going to stay with me
and help me through the rest of my journey...
SO, continuing from there
this is Weigh-In #7

However, one thing that will change
My starting weight will come from last week
NOT from December
I weighed myself last Friday (May 9) 


Weigh In: 05/16/14

Starting Weight (5/9):  336.6 lbs

Ending Weight (5/16):   329.4

Weight Gone This Week: -7.2lbs

(My highest weight was 355 in Jan 2013)

Total Weight Lost:  - 25.6 lbs

This week was great for me. 
I got back on track. 
I prepped for my Elimination Cleanse this week. 
I'm hoping for another great week 
as I head into my cleanse!

#LivingPerfectlyImperfect

Reboot

Last post I made the announcement 

that I had a new local health coach

and I'm excited to share with you

a little about what I'm doing this week!

This week I'm focusing on:

#1 Setting Goals - Short Term/Long Term

#2 Rebooting my body by doing an Elimination Cleanse

The Elimination Cleanse basically means

that I will eliminate a bunch of different foods

that are common allergens to people

and eat very simply for a set amount of days

and then I'll slowly bring back different foods

to see how my body reacts to them.

This will give my body a great reboot 

as I eat simply and healthfully.

This will also allow me to find any

food that my body is intolerant to.

I have bad digestive issues and

often get sinus infections during the winter

as well as a slew of other things 

and I suspect a gluten and/or diary intolerance

For a food addict this is going to be tough

The "Avoid List" includes....

Dairy

Gluten

Grains

Sugar

Most Beans

Eggs

Nuts

Soy

Preservatives/Processed Food

Alcohol

and a few other things I can't think of right now

But you get my drift. It's a lot. 

To give a sample of what my next week will look at

Here are just a few items on my meal plan 

Breakfast:

Smoothies

Berries, Banana, Spinach, Coconut Milk, Chia Seeds etc.

Lunch:

German Lentil Soup (Vegetarian)

OR

Simple Turkey Taco Salad w/

Lettuce, Organic ground turkey, Fresh Salsa, Guacamole

Dinner:

Chicken Fajita Salad w/

Lettuce, Organic Chicken Breast Chunks, Grilled Onions/Pepper, Guacamole 

Organic Low Sugar/Gluten-Dairy Free Fajita Seasoning 

OR

Lemon Rosemary Chicken w/ Balsamic Brussels Sprouts or Steamed Artichokes

and a Sweet Potato 

Snack(s):

Raw Veggies w/ Guacamole

Organic Lunch Meat

Pure Coconut Water

Pumpkin/Sunflower Seeds

Fruit

Right now I've been in pre-detox mode for the last four days

preparing for the 7 day detox

that will start tomorrow (Friday May 16)

So why tell you this?

Because right now I have 338 Accountability Partners on LPI

As I'm going through this I will have lots of raw emotions

that I will want to get out

and I need your help to cheer me on and keep my motivated!

Let's do this! 

I'm a Fighter

Hey Ya'all! 

So something has been brewing in the background here at LPI 

As I've told you before, this year has been hard...

like, REALLY hard

I've gained back a lot of the weight I lost in Nov/Dec

At the end of the 2013 I was 311

Yesterday I weighed in at 336... ouch!

I've really felt a lot of shame

and as many times as I've tried to come out of hiding

My food addiction has gotten the best of me

and I've just kept going back to the dark hole

But my page is Living Perfectly Imperfect

I didn't name it that because I'm perfect at living imperfectly

I named it that because that's what how I'm striving to live

I want to be okay with all my imperfections

I want to not be my worst critic

But, I'm not perfect and its a daily struggle to be okay with my imperfections

It's not as if I feel like someday I will be perfect

But I know someday, with a lot of practice and support

I can learn to love myself, imperfections and all, 

and to truly understand that life is a journey

and its not all-or-nothing! Baby steps count! 

I do have to say....

I am proud of myself because 

even in the midst of my darkness...

I was still fighting to come out of the darkness

One thing I DO know about myself...

I'm a Fighter! (Que Christina Aguilera....) 

I will keep fighting for what I want

because I know the only way to truly ever fail 

is to give up

so I refuse to give up!

 I refuse to be a "failure"....

So I did a lot of soul searching

Trying to figure out what I needed the most

and that was someone who could teach me how to live this way

I wanted to find someone that could teach me more about nutrition

Someone who could be my accountability partner on a regular basis

Someone I could count on to always be there for me

I found that person in Caroline Devin!

Caroline is my new nutritionist/health coach/

support system/accountability partner/therapist etc. etc. 

She is my very own transformation specialist!

She owns Serenity of Body and Mind

If you are local to Oregon, check her out...

If your not local to Oregon... check her out anyways...

She has some great information on her blog posts

http://www.serenityofbodyandmind.com

She is going to help me through my entire journey

I will be sharing what I'm working on with her

I will be using my blog as my own personal journal

I hope that I can stay present, even through the bad time

So that hopefully my struggles can help others

Don't worry, I still have Jacqui backing me up

But, for those of you who are living under a rock

and don't know...

Jacqui has a miracle baby growing in her tummy

Plus she lives on the other side of the country

You can never have enough people helping you along your journey

I'm lucky enough to have gotten so much good information from Jacqui

and I continue to learn from her and keep in touch

Caroline is just another great person that I have in my corner

Thanks for sticking with me friends!

I've Canceled My Membership to the Diet-of-the-Month Club

I used to belong to the "diet-of-the-month" club

I was a member for over 16 years

There are times that I've let my membership expire...

... only to renew it again, and again, and again

BUT, and this is a really big, gigantic, humongous BUT

I'm determined to never allow myself to join that silly club again

How many of you belong to this club?

The one that flip flops us from diet to diet

This year alone I've been....

Low Carb

Paleo

AND

Vegan

How does that even work?!?! 

Well, it didn't. I went insane and messed up my body

All of these diets promise results

Of course, anyone can see results on any of the diets

People can be perfectly healthy on any of these diets

But there are only the select few who can LIVE that way

I couldn't live with any of those 100%

... and if we can't live a life eating the way we are eating now

what makes us think we can be successful long term?

For some reason....

every time... 

every single time... 

 a new "issue" of the diet-of-the-month club came out

I was excited

FINALLY something I could do

But it always failed me, always

I'm ready to start a revolution....

okay, that was a little dramatic...

but seriously! Who is with me?

Let's all STOP

Let's all LIVE! 

This past week I've focused on getting myself back into the groove

Sure, weight doesn't fall of as quickly

But I lost 1lb this week. 

I'm starting off small

I'm focusing on counting my calories

Eating reasonable portions

But if I wanted a treat, I had it, as long as it fit within my calories

I'm not watching my fat

I'm not watching my sugar, fiber, protein or anything

These are all important and I will get there

But... I'm addicted to food

and I've tried the cold turkey approach

It just leads to a binges for me

This week I'm going to focus on getting active

I'm not ready to put my Fit Bit on (for all my Fit Bit friends)

But I am going to start walking

I'm going to get myself out there

I think its important to eat clean and be healthy

But I just can't do it all at once if I want it to be a way of life for me

Slow and steady wins the race 

Its a hard concept for me to swallow.... it really is....

and I will get to the point where I can be more strict with myself

But its going to be MY rules

I will no longer follow someone elses rules about "diets"

I've read enough of them to take bits and pieces 

to design a program that works for me

After all.........

I've never been very good at following rules

and that's why I've canceled my membership

to the diet-of-the-month club

Who is with me?!?! 

....And the Truth Shall Set ME Free!

I know exactly what you all are thinking

"Knock, Knock - Hello? 

.....Ashley, are you there?"

I promised you all I'd be back this month...
yet again I failed to come back to the fold!

I'm here to let you know why....
 I'm here to set myself free

...to stop feeling guilty, shame,

embarrassment, self-loathing etc. 

The truth is, I've gained. 

Last time I weighed in for you I was 311

Today I weighed in at 325 *Gulp*

Gosh, you may not realize how good that feels

To finally be honest with you
and now that I'm being honest with you,
I can start being present with you!

Almost everyday since the beginning of 2014 has been a struggle for me. 

I've gone up and down the same 10-15lbs probably three times in two months.

I even got myself down to 309 only to go back up again

The truth is, I've been trying to play catch up. 

I felt ashamed that in the new year

when everyone is doing so good,

... I was sucking! 

I felt embarrassed that all of you lovely people were so proud of me

and I felt like I was letting you down

So, when I gained a little, I tried to do something drastic in order to make up for it

I thought if I could just do something to lose a bunch of weight
then no one would notice

So my "All or Nothing" mentality kicked it. 

I was strict to catch up

Then, after not being able to be so strict, I would binge. 

Then of course the weight would come back on just as fast
PLUS a little extra

UGH!

So in the end, it didn't do any good. 

I really, really didn't want to talk about gaining
I only wanted to struggle a little....
stupid, right? haha

The reason I started this blog was to have support
through the good and bad
but I was hoping it was more good then bad
I wanted to be this great inspirational person..
like you see on the TV shows...
but the truth is, you only see the majority of the good on TV Shows....
if they struggle you see like 10 minutes of struggle

Every single time I tried to come back I thought I was "close enough"
to my previous weight so no one would notice
but as I got further and further away
I felt a great deal of shame
So I hid myself
and this just added to the pain and guilt I felt
and where do I turn for comfort?
FOOD
Why do we turn to the one thing that is creating all of our problems?
Ironic, no? Haha

BUT

... then I realized... 

you are all here to hear about the good, the bad, the ugly and the sad

.. at least I think you are?
You are all here because you support me

Weight loss is not a perfect journey

I'm not on the biggest loser, you don't expect me to lose 10lbs a week

The only person putting pressure on me is me

I'm sorry and I'm not going to hide anymore
I'm Ashley
I weight 325lbs
I'm on a lifelong journey
I'm not perfect
and now that you all know my truth
I'm FREE
I can be present with you about my struggles
I can have you by my side again

Thank you to all those that are reading this now
It means that you didn't leave my side even when
I put myself in my own prison by shutting you all out
I'm not used to being open during my struggles

I'll be posting a lot as I get back into blogging
and telling you all about how I'm getting back into
being healthy and kind to myself!

Thank you for your love and support!!