Weigh in #6: December 16, 2013

I had a blast this week! I had back-to-back-to-back Christmas parties and spent a lot of good times with family and friends. I also ate some really delicious food! Because of this, the scale didn't budge much- and you know what? That's okay! So many times in my life have I gained 10-20 lbs by now, indulging in everything in anticipation of the new year when I would "start." I've really be conscious when eating and not letting my all-or-nothing mentality take over. In a perfect world, I wish I would have made it through the week with a loss but I'm not perfect and I honestly wouldn't change much from this week because it was mentally satisfying. I'm still working towards my goal of 299, and I know it most likely happen in the time frame I wanted it but this is my lifestyle now. As long as I keep going I'll get to where I want to go. Here is to another week! 

Previous Weight: 311.4

Current Weight: 311.8

Weight Change: +0.4

Elf on the Shelf Days 6-10

Frankie has been up to no good!

After all the stuffed animals decided it would be funny to wear Grant's underwear

They then decided it would be funny to hang the underwear from the fan

Frankie and Ron Jon even decided to "hang out" 

I think Frankie was tired from partying with the stuffed party animals

So he just decided to chill out high

where he could keep an eye out on Grant...

and watch some TV!

The next day buddy brought Grant some sugar cereal

I think Frankie knew that I hardly ever let Grant have sugar cereal

and he knows I'm a sucker for anything that is Christmas themed

So he got away with it....

and Grant loved it!

Unfortunately, I got video of Grant's reaction but no picture

I can tell you for sure that he was mucho excited 

and ate a very big bowl of sugar..err.. I mean cereal that morning...

so you can imagine what the rest of the day was like. 

Let's just say I remembered why I never let him have it.....

but I'll forgive Frankie! 

The next day Frankie was back at it with some of his buddies

Playing Candy Land

by the Christmas tree 

with Mini Mickey Mouse

and Jingle Bell Santa

and Merlin (the Elf that Grant can touch)

Get it...

Merlin...

Myrrh

Frankie & Merlin

Frankincense & Myrrh

...oh and I got word from Santa

that when we have a baby girl join our family in the future

that she will be assigned an elf by the name of Goldie

Frankincense, Myrrh and Gold

hehe.

Last night Frankie decided to go swinging on the lights

We all got a good laugh

Stay tuned to see what our silly elf comes up with in the next five days

Weigh In #5: December 9, 2013

Weigh In: 12/09/13

Starting Weight:  313.8 lbs

Ending Weight:   311.4 lbs

Weight Gone This Week: -2.4

Total Weight Lost:  - 43.6 lbs

Accountability Partner

Yesterday morning I got on the scale

I had the same reaction I had every morning since Thanksgiving

"What?!?!"

After a week of good eating I was still the same exact weight 

It was frustrating. 

To top it off, it was the day of my first Christmas party. 

This was a party that was catered by Famous Dave's BBQ

My absolute most favorite restaurant.. and I could get it for free!

I had planned to splurge. 

I had planned for this to be the day I allowed myself to cheat. 

But, did I want to spend another week getting back down 

to the same weight I was right then? ugh!

I had a lot of anxiety about it. 

I had a call with Jacqui and I tell her about my fears

She suggests a solid plan and I agreed to do it

Get meat only, over salad, skip the calorie rich sides

...like Jalapeno Mac and Cheese (yummmy!)

And either skip the dessert bar 

or

bring my own dessert that I know I can eat.

She is keeping me accountable

I was to take a picture of my plate and text her

It's not about feeling deprived, but about feeling empowered she says. 

I trust her. 

I trust her with all my heart. 

I get off the phone with her. 

I sit in a chair.

I whine to my husband. A lot. 

I was seriously having anxiety over the whole situation. 

The dinner finally arrives. 

I get in line for food. 

I pass up the Mac and Cheese. 

That felt good!

I pass up the Mashed Potatoes. 

That felt awesome!

I get the meat, two kinds of meat...

I get my salad

There is corn bread. 

We didn't talk about corn bread. 

I love their corn bread. 

What should I do. 

I grab a half a piece. 

I take my photo. 

I send it to her. 

I eat. 

I get full. 

I'm satisfied. 

The corn bread was like my dessert. 

I enjoy the people instead of thinking of the food. 

I was so happy with myself. 

I leave the party. 

I go home. 

I am so incredibly happy with myself. 

This is typically the time that I'm loathing myself for making bad choices. 

This is typically the time I'm full of regrets. 

But instead I was proud of myself. 

So proud that I said it out loud. 

The first thing I learned: 

Food comes and goes. 

What I put in my mouth is a moment in time. 

I won't always remember the taste of the food

but I will remember how I felt about myself

Sometimes its hard to say no

But the satisfaction, the empowerment, the feeling you have about yourself

When you choose yourself over food or whatever it is you're battling

It is so worth that moment. 

Bad decision led me to 355lbs

Bad decision led me to self hatred

I'm not perfect now

But gosh darn it I'm proud of myself. 

The second thing I learned: 

Having an accountability partner is priceless

If I didn't have someone

that believed in my potential 

who cared enough to prepare a plan for me

I may have slipped. 

There was temptation everywhere, but on the other end of my phone

was someone who believed in my potential and I didn't want to let her down

As the night went on, and I began to feel empowered by my decision,

I didn't want to let myself down

So remember as you are going to holiday parties to have a plan

and find someone to be your accountability partner! 

Trust me

You will feel empowered!

The result of my good choices

Showed on the scale

Come back on Monday to see!

Christmas Tradition: Elf on the Shelf Days 1-5

Our family has an Elf. 

His name is Frankincense. 

We call him Frankie. 

He shows up the Saturday after Thanksgiving. 

He always throws a North Pole Breakfast. 

It is full of lots of sugar. 

Frankie brought a bucket of Christmas Cheer...

Complete with Christmas jammies, socks, shirts, snowman earrs....

Christmas pencils, paper, straws and a stuffed Mickey Mouse!

Frankie always knows how to get us in the Christmas spirit! 

The next day, December 1st, Franke brought an Advent Calander. 

It helps Grant count down to Christmas. 

Plus he gets a little Lego everyday! 

Sweet!

The next day Frankie got into Daddy's Lego's... 

looks like they were having a race by the Christmas tree!

On the fourth day of Christmas... 

Frankie was just hanging out...

on the treadmill!

Guess he was reminding us all to make sure and get our steps in! 

He is soooo goofy!

This morning we found Frankie hanging out with...

Mickey Mouse, Elmer, Snoopy. Ron Jon, Yellow Mellow and Blueberry

and they were all wearing Gran'ts underwear!

We sure all got a good laugh! 

That Silly Elf!

What will that silly elf do next? 

Holiday! Celebrate!

Holiday parties & dinners are in full swing. 

I have at least 12 of them in the next four weeks! 

If I allowed myself to splurge at every single one...

 I would never reach my goal!

I know that if I don't make a plan for myself

that I just end up giving in to temptation!

I'll be having a good time...

with my friends...

a treat or two will sound innocent enough....

and then before you know it...

I'll have eaten 3000 calories!

It is CRITICAL for me to have a plan....

like my mom always said -

"Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail"

I put together a calendar

It lists all of my parties

I've chosen one a week that I'm allowed to splurge

the rest of them.....

if it is a dinner at a restaurant..

I've already decided what I'm having!

if it is a party

I've already decided what I'm bringing!

I've planned my days around it

so that my calorie count is spot on

I know exactly what I'm going to doing!

This is how I'm staying accountable to myself

Like I said, 

If I didn't have this plan

I would have allowed myself too many days 

and I wouldn't reach my goal

My goal is to be 299 on January 1st

If I do everything I can and still don't hit my goal...

I will be happy knowing that I put the work in

but my body just needs more time!

But if I just let it go and that day comes

I will be disappointed in myself. 

What are YOU doing to make sure the Holidays don't get the best of you?

If you have any good ideas for me, feel free to share!

Thanks for your loving support! 

Weigh In #4: December 2, 2013

Weigh In: 12/02/13

Starting Weight:  315.8 lbs

Ending Weight:   313.8 lbs

Weight Gone This Week: -2 lbs

Total Weight Lost:  -41.2 lbs

A Little Piece of My Heart

Today we are celebrating our family!

Two years ago today our son Grant entered our life!

We are so incredibly grateful for him.

This boy has stolen my heart

and I want to give you all a little piece of my heart today

and share with you the story of how we all became a family... 

In 2005 two hearts came together

I love my husband dearly

I'm blessed to have had him by my side through everything!

For 6 years we experienced all life had to offer....

We went on so many adventures together, just the two of us!

During this time we struggled to get pregnant...

in the midst of our heartache...

we had a beautiful little angel fall into our arms!

Our little Zoey became part of our family in 2009! 

On November 13, 2011 my life changed forever

My dad came over to my house and asked me if I wanted a "son"

After what I thought was a joke, I realized that my dad was being serious...

We had some distant family that was looking for someone to adopt their grandson...

We instantly knew it was something we wanted to do

We arranged to pick him up the day after Thanksgiving

We had people in our church who volunteered to throw us a very quick "toddler shower"

Everything you see in that picture below was giving to us by our church family

and their friends and neighbors

We were so blessed and felt so loved!

We had a little less than two weeks to prepare for a child

Let me remind you that... 

#1 We weren't in the process of adoption

#2 Adoption hadn't even occurred to be an option to us, yet...

#3 - We had never met Grant and hardly knew anything about him!

Let me tell you, it was the craziest two weeks of my life!

On November 25, 2011 we met Grant

The pictures below are when we first met the little guy... 

The next day he came home with us.

We had his room all made up

We wanted him to feel comfortable

and to see a room that was fun and inviting

I couldn't get enough of his precious face! 

"Mom, stop taking pictures!"

I'm thankful for my family

I'm thankful that I had infertility struggles

I'm thankful that God prepared my heart for Grant

I'm thankful for his sweet spirit in our home

It wasn't a cake walk after we got him. 

Grant has Sensory Processing Disorder

I'm still learning everyday how to help him

best get through life! 

But I'm thankful that we found each other

I'm so happy he has someone to fight for him

He is so fun! He is so bright! He is so sweet! 

Every thing I had to go through to get him was worth it. 

Our adoption didn't finalize until May 2013 but

two years ago today I became a mother to this sweet little boy

and he stole my whole heart forever!

Weigh In #3: November 25, 2013

Weigh In: 11/25/13

Starting Weight:  318.4 lbs

Ending Weight:   315.8 lbs

Weight Gone This Week: -2.6 lbs

Total Weight Lost:  -39.2 lbs

All or Nothing?

In the past I've struggled a lot with an all or nothing mentality. 

This way of thinking has been what has sabotaged my progress so many times. 

Last week I had a very stressful day. 

My sons bedtime was coming up and I didn't have anything prepared for dinner 

so I just went and picked up a pizza.
I was "good" and only got one large pizza...
ya know, instead of the family deal with all the fixins'...

See, pizza is a trigger food for me
I can't just eat one slice
I've had such bad binges with pizza that one time,
after bingeing on half a pizza,
I had a moment of strength and I threw an entire pizza away
only to find myself 3 hours later...
standing over the trash trying to justify
taking the pizza out of the trash and devouring it! 
So, Victory #1 = Only getting one pizza!

 So, When I got home I grabbed my usual 3 large slices and headed for the couch.
Ahhhhh... hello old friend!

Half way through eating my second slice I realized I was full.
The concept of stopping when I'm full is new to me... 

I realized I had a decision to make about who I am now...

Am I the same old Ashley that already made one bad choice,
so she might as well keep going and eat half the pizza?
OR
Am I the new Ashley that knows that one slip doesn't mean
I need to willingly jump off the ledge and go head first into binge mode!

So, Victory #2 I put my third slice back. 

My third and finally victory came after I put my son to bed. 

It was 8:03 PM and I had exactly 2,456 steps 

(just a tad shy of my 10,000 steps a day goal). 

I felt like just going to bed and making it up later....

 but I didn't! I had a dance party instead!

I turned my music up and got my feet moving.... 

At first it was the most pathetic dance party. I was NOT feeling it....

At 7,000 steps I wanted to quit so badly!!! I was "going to die"

But I didn't. I kept going until I got my 10,000 steps. 

Then I thought - I can keep going....

I decided that this was a perfect time to prove to myself
just how far I'd come...
I didn't think I'd make it to 10,000.... so I went to 12,000 instead!
Victory #3 - Showing myself how amazing I really am!

I'm learning that it doesn't have to be all or nothing! 

We don't need to punish ourselves with multiple bad choices 

because of one bad choice. 

We put so much pressure on ourselves
to be perfect!
Guess what? We're not going to be
perfect, not in this life at least.
We are going to mess up but...
it's NOT all or nothing...
It is the best we can do every moment...
you had a bad morning, well,  have a good afternoon
you ate doughnuts at work...? Doesn't mean you have to
let the whole day go!

I am perfectly imperfect, 

I will make bad choices, 

I will fall down, 

but I will get up and keep going!

Do you struggle with all or nothing mentality? 

Weigh In #2: November 18, 2013

Weigh In: 11/18/13

Starting Weight:  322.4 lbs

Ending Weight:   318.4 lbs

Weight Gone This Week: -4 lbs

Total Weight Lost:  -36.6 lbs

Where I'm Going Pt.2

The first step in fulfilling any goal or dream is knowing your WHY! Your WHY gives meaning and purpose to everything you do in your pursuit to achieve your goals. It's going to be amazing when I hit my goals, but if all I cared about were the numbers on the scale then what is the point? It is what hitting my goals MEANS for me. My WHY helps me to understand the importance of what I'm doing and gives me a purpose. 

There are a million WHY's that drive me: To walk up a flight of stairs and not be winded, to ride on an airplane and not have to use a seat belt extender, to go to a theme park and be able to ride all the rides, to walk into any store and know they have my size, to wear my wedding ring again after 7 years etc. 

BUT, I have a WHY that brings up emotions deep inside me that lights my fire and drives me and that is to grow my family. I have PCOS and have been unable to get pregnant due to me being overweight. I struggled with infertility for 6 years before we adopted Grant. Grant is my sunshine and my husband and I were so incredibly lucky to have him placed in our lives. The exact story will come at a later date but for now I will just say that we are so grateful for adoption and love him so much and I wouldn't change the way my life has played out for a second. I want to grow my family and nothing would make me happier then to experience pregnancy and child birth. Grant has been asking for a baby sister for almost a year now. Lately he has started demanding a baby brother as well :). I want to get my body healthy so that I can fulfill his dream to be a big brother. 

This is my WHY and it drives me everyday. I wake up with a purpose. I wake up knowing what I'm fighting for. Whatever you are fighting for in your life, wherever you are headed, know your WHY because it is POWERFUL.  

Weigh In #1: November 11, 2013

Weigh In: 11/11/13

Starting Weight: 329 lbs

Ending Weight: 322.4 lbs

Weight Gone This Week: -6.6 lbs

Total Weight Lost: -32.6 lbs

Where I'm Going Pt. 1

I've shared with you where I've been and now I want to share with you where I'm going...

Its November and most years this is the time where I say, "forget it!" and enjoy the holidays and wait until the beginning of the new year to start getting healthy.... but 2013 is different. I want to end this year with a bang! I have high goals for myself and I'm not going to let holidays get in the way of that goal!

My goal for January 1, 2014 is to weigh in at 299lbs! I want to say goodbye to the 300's forever this year. That puts me at exactly -30lbs to lose in less than 8 weeks! Can I do it? Yes I can! (I watch way too much Bob the Builder - Ha!)

Monday's are my weigh in day and I will be sharing my weigh in's with you! Good or bad!

I'm taking baby steps with my goals because I have so far to go. How do you eat an Elephant? One bite at a time. My ultimate goal is to lose -200 lbs but to think that far ahead overwhelms me. I'm just taking little bites at a time with what I can handle and I know eventually I will end up at 155lbs. It means so much to me to have people to share this journey with!

Now that you know where I'm going, I want to know where you are going. What are your goals for the end of the year? Share in the comments!

Come back on Monday November 11 for Weigh In #1 post and Wednesday November 13 for Where I'm Going Pt.2 to find out my WHY!

Where I Started

My highest weight ever was 355 lbs. I've tried so many "diets" and lost/gained. The cycle left me hating myself. I felt so broken and like I just wasn't worthy of happiness. I finally decided that I needed to stop looking for the "Get Fit Quick" plan and just start living a healthy lifestyle. I went on a journey of self discovery and realized how amazing I was. I decided I didn't have to wait until I was "perfect" to love myself. When I learned to love myself, imperfections and all, I felt worthy of fighting for. I've lost 26lbs thus far and look forward to sharing the rest of my journey with all of you! The most important thing you can do for yourself is to love yourself. When you love yourself you are powerful beyond measure!!

Ready.... Set.... Go!

Hey Everyone! :) Thanks so much for stopping by! First of all, I want to introduce myself. My name is Ashley. I'm 27 years old. I live in the beautiful state of Oregon. I've been married for 8 years to my wonderful husband, Royce. We have a five year old son named Grant who came into our life almost two years ago via adoption. We also have a five year old fur baby, our Chihuahua Zoey. 

I'm absolutely thrilled to begin this journey and so honored to be able to have Jacqui by my side. I've already learned so much from her and know that I will learn so much more. My journey will be physical, my body will have to work, but this journey will be more mind & spiritual than anything. I'm going to mess up. I'm not going to be perfect. But perfection is boring! So come follow me as I fall down and get back up. We can learn from each other and cheer each other on! Whatever battle you are fighting, whatever it is that you want to release from your life, lets do it together! Let's unapologetically celebrate who we are TODAY, flaws and all, and live life perfectly imperfect!

Come back this coming week when I will let you know my starting weight, see my before photos, let you know a little bit about my weight release journey thus far and what my goals are for the rest of 2013. :)